Minnie: An invitation to what? Why would Donald Trump’s dog invite us to something?
BowWow: It’s a new deal. Republicans figured out that dogs have a lot of influence over their people, you know, in getting them to vote one way or the other.
Minnie: That’s ridiculous. I wouldn’t know the first thing about electoral politics.
BowWow: You would if you watched Fox News.
Minnie: I get everything I need to know from the Sunday Times.
BowWow: Jesus, Minnie, the Style Section doesn’t count for news. Nobody votes based on Modern Love. Fox News is where it’s at. Get with it. Why you always gotta be above the fray?
Minnie: It’s not about being above the fray. I just prefer a more intellectual presentation of the news.
BowWow: Yeah, you can’t handle the fray. You hate the fray. You ES-CHEW the fray. I see that at the dog park. Things get a little juicy, a little growly, there’s a little teeth and you head for the hills. Little Miss Pink Prancy.
Minnie: Well, sometimes it gets very messy, you know, blood coming from wherever. I don’t like being around unpleasantness like that.
BowWow: Oh come on. We should go to this clambake. All the big dogs are going to be there, even Trump himself.
Minnie: It sounds awful. Just a lot of panting and pawing.
BowWow: Oh, for fuck’s sake, Minnie. We can sniff some butts, chase some ass, get a little tail, you know? It’ll be great.
Minnie: Some of us are not males, BowWow, and we don’t like to be talked about that way. So graphic and coarse. It all has a very cheap feel to it. I don’t know how you are comfortable offending half the dog population.
BowWow: Half? More than half. Remember all the dog owners sending us guys to the pound to get gassed because we are so DIS-O-BEDIENT. We’re a vanishing breed, us alpha males.
Minnie: I find the whole concept of alpha males off-putting.
BowWow: Alpha males aren’t a concept, Minnie. They are a RE-AL-I-TY. You can be put off all you want but we’re still gonna spray your fucking tree or you, if you get in the way of the tree, if you get my drift, which you should, because it happened yesterday, remember? you nosed right into my spraying venue and got it right in the face, trying to act all sniffy, like you care. You should just stay on the open prairie where you belong, do your little squatting, leave the nice ripe stuff for me. But I DI-GRESS as they say. So what say you, party time?
Minnie: You go. I’ll stay here on the porch. It’s fine. Be sure to send me a picture. You know, something really unforgettable like you and Donald Trump’s dog’s ass if he isn’t out on the campaign trail.