Minnie: It’s so sad when it rains on vacation.
BowWow: Who cares? It’s just water.
Minnie: Oh. That must be why you’re always crying under the bed whenever it’s going to rain. And why the mister has to crawl under the bed and fetch you and why you end up sleeping between the people like a house-ruling toddler.
BowWow: House-ruling toddler? What in the hell is a house-ruling toddler and why you calling me that?
Minnie: If the whine fits, BowWow. If the whine fits, pour it. Ha. Ha. Ha.
BowWow: You know, every time we go on vacation, you get real uppity.
Minnie: Uppity? Uppity? As in forgetting my place? That kind of uppity? Oh my goodness. How could that happen?
BowWow: I know, right? I figured you didn’t even know you were doing it. I mean, like Jeez, I think to myself, what has happened to Minnie? Why is she all crazy and pushy. And then I figure it’s hormones.
Minnie: I don’t have any hormones, BowWow. I am ahormonal.
BowWow: What?! When did that happen?
Minnie: Right after I came. Remember the people talked about how they didn’t want the nightmare puppy that would result if you and I, you know, created one. Not that it would even have been possible without some assistive devices. I mean, well, look at you.
BowWow: Jesus, Minnie. That’s what I’m talking about. We go on vacation and you’re talking about sex with dogs!
Minnie: We are dogs, moron. If I was talking about sex with people, that would be cause for concern. Sex with dogs, not so much. Of course, present company excluded.
BowWow: Sometimes when we’re on vacation, I just want to shitcan the whole thing and go home.
Minnie: Where a dog knows her place and everything isn’t all confusey? Poor thing, I totally understand. It’s rough when the dog dishes are in the wrong place. Unhappy-making.
BowWow: You think I’m too dumb to know that you’re mocking me.
Minnie: Who? Me? Mock? Never would I presume that a dog such as me could mock a dog such as you.
BowWow: What does that even mean?
Minnie: Never mind. Do you want to play chase? I’ll give you a 10-second lead. I’ll count.