Erased

Dad

When my father died, I gave his computer to Goodwill after keeping it in an honored place on the floor of my office where I would look at it and think about whether giving it to him had made anything easier about the year and a half he spent grieving my mother’s death before he died, and wish, but not, that I knew the password that would let me search his brief online life to find evidence of relief, some track of his sadness lessening, but in the end I had to give up and let the question be erased.

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Written in response to The Daily Post prompt: Your life without a computer: what does it look like?

 

4 thoughts on “Erased

  1. You opened the door for your dad when you gave him the computer. He closed it when he passed away. Somehow, I imagine he found solace in connecting online, but I’m not sure you would have by doing the same. I think you made the right decision by erasing both the question and the answer.
    xo
    eden

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  2. I introduced my dad to the computer when he came to live with us after my mother’s death. I helped him set up a email account and he was able to touch base with old friends. I, too, never checked his account after his death, but I knew his password. It was “genius” and he could never remember how to spell it. It still makes me smile.

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  3. I watched my father traipse around the world for the first year and a half as being at home was too painful. Then he slowly descended into the dark spaces of dementia where he travelled a round circuit in safety wearing out endless shoes until he grew too tired to walk anymore. For those of us who loved him it was the never ending mourning for a man who disappeared leaving behind a living dry husk. His death was a release for us all gifting us with the relief of grief with closure.

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