The Reflex of Deference

Posted on May 12, 2016 by Jan Wilberg

It’s still happening. Girls hanging back, getting out of the way. On the playground, but where else?

The inside of inequality, the cellular scrapings of being considered lesser than, lies in the reflex of deference.

Deference is the wee tiny rock that women carry in their pockets, the signal to tell them to get out of the way, sit down and be quiet, to become small and unremarkable in the presence of men.

Men didn’t put the tiny rocks in women’s pockets. They didn’t have to. Women put the tiny rocks there themselves.

Deference is the last crumbs of inequality that remain after civil rights acts and equal rights amendments, court cases and marches down the street. Deference is what keeps the pilot light of inequality burning long after equal opportunity has been installed in education, government, and business. Deference is the evidence that women believe what they’ve been told. No, not even what they’ve been told. What they absorbed from the world. No, not even that…

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Category: FeminismTags: gender differences, gender equity

4 Comments on “The Reflex of Deference”

Vanessa D.
May 12, 2016

We just had a very public sexual assault/sexual harassment trial, where the victims were not believed because of their own behaviour. I think men such as Jian Ghomeshi will continue to get away with preying on women until we learn how to help each other empty our pockets, because you can bet men like him know exactly how many pebbles we carry.

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- Jan Wilberg
  May 12, 2016
  
  That last phrase really grabbed me. You are so right.
  
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  - Vanessa D.
    May 12, 2016
    
    Thank you Jan. After I hit the post comment button, I wished I had phrased it as “men like him know exactly how many pebbles we carry and how to slip more of them into our pockets.”
    
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dearmaizie
May 12, 2016

I remember this post from a couple of years ago. Sadly, it’s still true.

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