BowWow: Hey, look, Minnie! I got me a friggin’ PHD.
Minnie: It’s just a license plate, BowWow. A weird coincidence on a license plate.
BowWow: So what? I’ll take it. It’s recognition of my SOO-PEER-IUR intellect.
Minnie: There are a lot of graduations going on right now so I can see how you might imagine yourself amongst all the caps and gowns.
BowWow: Amongst? AMONGST? What the fuck, Minnie. Is this like Shakespeare in the Valley or something? AMONGST?
Minnie: It’s just a more refined manner of speaking. Which, I admit, seems ridiculous given the company.
BowWow: So Minnie, let me ask you a question. Now that I’m BW PHD, what should I be thinking about? What should be my big, smart thoughts?
Minnie: Well, there’s that publish or perish thing.
BowWow: What does that even mean? Like they kill you if you don’t publish something? Like publish how? Like have a newspaper? You have to be in the newspaper?
Minnie: God. You’re dumb sometimes. It really saps me. Publish or perish means you need to do important research and write about the results or you won’t get ahead at the university.
BowWow: What university?
Minnie: Most people get their PHD at a university, not a license plate. You know, a university, a college, where there are professors and students and they read great books and analyze things.
BowWow: Like at the Humane Society where we went for that class? With the clicker and the hot dogs in the little baggie thing he strapped on to his belt? Like that?
Minnie: No BowWow. It’s different. There are people and they sit in chairs.
BowWow: Fuck it, then. Chairs. We’re not allowed on chairs. Unless they put us there. Well, me. You never go on chairs. Only me.
Minnie: Is there any possible end to this conversation?
BowWow: We could go look for that meat wrapper we stole outta the trash yesterday.
Minnie: From the ridiculous to the sublime. Let’s go, Doc.