BowWow: What’s the story with the thing on your head?

Minnie: It’s not a thing. Its a cone. The vet said I had to wear it for a while.

BowWow: Why? It looks really stupid and it’s got to be a pain in the ass. Since you can’t actually reach your ass with that thing on your head. Doesn’t that make you crazy?

Minnie: A little, although I’m not as preoccupied with my ass as you are. With your ass. He said I had to wear it because I was licking.

BowWow: Licking? I lick all the time and nobody ever made me wear a thing like that.

Minnie: What you lick is very different, BowWow. It’s, you know, your equipment.

BowWow: Equipment? Equipment? You mean my dick? I lick my dick. Yeah, so what? I’m a dog. Not the Queen of Sheba.

Minnie: What does that even mean, the Queen of Sheba? Why would you be the Queen of Sheba? Never mind. I have the cone because I was licking my surgical incision and it got infected.

BowWow: God, Minnie, I licked a lot of shit and never infected anything.

Minnie: Well, that’s great. I admire that – your sterile tongue. What can I say? I’m a flawed dog.

BowWow:  Oh, Minnie. Aren’t we all? Imperfection bites. So to speak. But who the fuck cares? Expectations are too fucking high of us dogs anyway. Remember “Obedience School.” Jesus.

Minnie: Yes, it did feel a little automaton-ish. It wasn’t me. I want to have a fuller emotional life than just being obedient all the time.

BowWow: Shit. That’s deep, Minnie.

Minnie: A health crisis makes you think of these things, BowWow.