BowWow: I am about to lose my fucking shit.

Minnie: Take it easy. What’s the problem?

BowWow: The election! It’s making me bite my fucking tail. I can’t stand it!

Minnie: I thought you were a Trump supporter. You should be happy. He’s been reading from the TelePromptr really good lately.

BowWow: That dick? I don’t support him. Well, I did. Sort of. But then I saw a Humane Society ad on TV that said a “Donald Trump presidency would be a threat to animals everywhere.”

Minnie: You remember the exact quote?

BowWow: No. The writing lady looked it up. But I saw it on TV. Jesus H. I’m an animal. It hit me where I live. You know? Shit.

Minnie: The people are never going to let anything happen to you, BowWow. It doesn’t matter who is President.

BowWow: Yeah. I know. Like today. I had shit on my face. Like I really had shit on my face. It wasn’t a shit-eating grin kind of thing. I rolled in it. It was a mistake. I admit. But it got in my ear, too. And she washed my face with Dawn. It was nice that she did that even though it kind of stung.

Minnie: Why are you rolling in that stuff, BowWow? I think you need to calm down.

BowWow: I wish I could drink. Not like our regular water or water out of the toilet but, you know, actually drink. Like the people do.

Minnie: You mean like beer and wine? Or harder stuff? Rum?  Like how would that even work, BowWow? Would they put it on your kibble?

BowWow: I don’t know. I don’t understand any of this stuff.

Minnie: You seem a little unhinged, BowWow. You’re usually so happy. So bon vivant.

BowWow: It’s an act, Minnie. I’m a wreck right now I don’t get anything about this awful election.

Minnie: Me either.

BowWow: I like it when your foot is on my back.

Minnie: I know you do.