Her: I thought you were out of gas.

Me: I was never out of gas. I just decided to park it for a while. Contemplate the future.

Her: Sounds like retirement to me.

Me: Well, people do retire. I’d say most people my age are retired.

Her: So retire then! You bought that knitting kit. Time to rev up those needles, sugar.

Me: Knitting is too hard. I’d rather work. Besides people who knit don’t wear heels.

Her: You’re making a life decision on whether you can wear heels with it?

Me: Not exactly. Sort of.

Her: I thought you were all cool with wearing jeans everyday. I thought you were loving your big thick socks and your boots. Little Miss Shit Kicker. Tough old broad.

Me: Don’t mock. I’m trying to find myself.

Her: Oh Jesus. You’ve been lost and found 10,000 times. Just go with who you are right this minute. Take a picture so you don’t forget.

Me: Pull the car over and take a picture of myself? That’s so dorky.

Her: Just do it. Just fucking do it. And smile like you’re wearing red heels.