BowWow: That can of Alpo has been sitting on the fucking counter for a month.

Minnie: They bought it for us to celebrate the Westminster Dog Show.


BowWow: Celebrate? Some spoiled brat German Shepherd named Rumor – what the hell kind of name is that? – is the best dog. Big fucking deal. They should open the damn Alpo.

Minnie: I think they might be rationing. You know, the way things are now, the President’s budget and all that.

BowWow: Who the fuck cares about a budget? And what does that have to do with our Alpo. You lost me.

Minnie: Well, they might need it.

BowWow: They? The people? The people are going to need a can of Alpo? For what? Sunday dinner? Hahahahahah.

Minnie: Maybe. They don’t have any cat food.

BowWow: You worry about them too much. Haven’t you ever heard of Dogs First? We need to look out for Numero Uno here. Fuck the people.

Minnie: That’s not very inclusive.

BowWow: You’re such a fucking bleeding heart. If it wasn’t for me, this place would be overrun with other dogs’ puppies.

Minnie: I personally would welcome other dogs’ puppies. They would enrich our lives.

BowWow: Oh for fuck’s sake. Do you ever quit? I’m thirsty and the water bowl is empty. Naturally, since the people can’t be bothered. I’m going to the upstairs john for a little brewski. Want to come?

Minnie: I’m worried about water quality.

BowWow: In the toilet? You’re worried about water quality in the toilet? Isn’t that kind of the point about drinking out of the toilet? That it’s a toilet?  It’s not the fucking Sistine Chapel.

Minnie: What does that even mean? They have water in the Sistine Chapel? Do you mean holy water? Oh my God. Who drinks holy water?

BowWow: Don’t get started on your holier than thou bullshit. Minnie on her high horse. Man, there is nothing fucking worse than Minnie on her high horse.

Minnie: I don’t think you have to bring other animals into it. Let’s stop now while we’re still friends. I’ll go lay down in the living room. You go do…whatever it is you do when you’re alone.