BowWow: I see that Old Girl got herself an invite to the White House. Wore that snazzy off the shoulder outfit. She is one classy bitch.

Minnie: Let me guess. You’re talking about Governor Palin. You always did have a little bit of a you know what for her.

BowWow: That’s gross. I’m a dog.

Minnie: Consider it hyperbole. It’s something people do when it’s extremely dark. You wouldn’t know anything about that, being the bright little light that you are.

BowWow: Did you see that bangin’ picture of her and her pals with Hillary -pole up her ass -Clinton in the background?

Minnie: You’re talking about a former First Lady, a Secretary of State, and a presidential candidate. Seriously, how crude can you be? And yes, I saw the pictures. Terrible.

BowWow: Oh, stop your little paw wringing, Minnie, for fuck’s sake, I could’ve bet $10,000 that you’d come at me with your holier than cow bullshit.

Minnie: It’s holier than thou, BowWow. What is this, India? Do you ever get anything right?

BowWow: I get right what I need to get right and the rest I just shit can under the bed with all the other bullshit stuff the people have under there. Have you looked? That’s what you should be worried about – their fucking housekeeping skills or lack of same. Jesus H.

Minnie: You’re just trying to change the subject.

BowWow: From what?

Minnie: I don’t know. I forgot. Oh, I remember. We were talking about how uncouth Sarah Palin and her unpleasant friends were when they went to the White House. So distressing.

BowWow: Oh, Jesus, Minnie. “How distressing?” Do you need a hanky, Minnie? Should I go find you a hanky?

Minnie: Don’t make fun of my hankies. My grandmother tatted those.

BowWow: Tatted? Your grandma tatted hankies? What the fuck kind of design is that? Like where? On her arm? Her ankle? Did she have a sleeve of hankies? What the fuck, Minnie. Why didn’t she just get a box of Kleenex tatted on her boob. Hankies are so fucking old fashioned.

Minnie: That’s unkind. Remember what Rumi said, “Your acts of kindness are iridescent wings of divine love, which linger and continue to uplift others long after your sharing.” You should think about that, BowWow. Rumi could help you be a better dog.

BowWow: I’m a plenty fine dog, Minnie. A plenty fine fucking dog. Ask anybody. People fucking love me all over the fucking world.

Minnie: Okay, whatever you say.  Maybe the White House needs a dog. We could have the man call tomorrow. You might have to take a bath more than once a year and maybe practice your manners. No, you’d be fine just the way you are. Just go lift your leg on the furniture.


Photo: New York Times April 21, 2017