I quit working and now I have no time to puzzle over myself.
- I surrendered my ego because tending to it had become taxing and boring. And as soon as I did that, I became a powerful person. This isn’t a self-help statement or a riddle. This is just a description of what has happened. You might wish this would happen to you and it might. You just can’t make it happen.
- I learned that one isn’t actually invisible in black jeans and a black hoodie however much a person might like to be, like this week being the driver for a Latina friend running for office who was making an appearance at a Cesar Chavez event on a busy street in her district. I hung back, hunkering down in the cold wind, finally putting my hood up, occasionally creeping behind other people to take pictures of her speaking and then realizing I must look like Grandma Unabomber so I went to my car to wait for her.
- In the pizza slash sandwich joint where campaign canvassers were going through reams of addresses, I pulled off my fleece because the zipper was stuck and out flew the necklace I thought I had lost in Chicago seven months ago after a Cubs game. It lay in a little silver heap on the table in the corner booth, the chain and a small round pendant – an infinity symbol – that my husband had given to me. But missing was my mother’s thin gold wedding band that I’d worn for years. I shook everything, moved all the papers on the table, got on my hands and knees and ran my hands along the grimy edges of the seats. “What are you looking for?” my friend asked. “A ring I thought I lost in Chicago.” The grieving for it was already done but I wrote out my name and phone number for the woman at the register. “Does this make sense?” I asked. “Yes, I think so.” I knew it didn’t.
- My granddaughter’s attempt to punish us all for her unhappiness by not eating dinner dissolved as the conversation at the table went on without her, the laughter like an irresistible water slide. Soon, quietly, she was carving tiny slices off the Irish sausage on her plate until it disappeared. When does tending to unhappiness make it worse and when is it better to load up the raft and go down the slide? I’m pretty good at knowing this. It comes from years of trial and error.
- My writing life has been in a temporary abeyance. I like to think of it as sharpening my pencils. The rest of my life has become dense and demanding, more public, and certainly more radical. This business of reinventing oneself doesn’t happen in a carpeted room with a scented candle burning. What happens there are memories and theories, all fine, but a tiny slice. I want more pie.
This is my week, this jammed full, thick, fat week of March 26, 2018.