I had a cheeseburger today. A double deluxe from Culver’s. With a mountain of french fries. This is the first meal I’ve eaten that was not prepared in my own kitchen since March 15th.
I feel like a recovering Druid.
I’ve been living on a steady stream of very healthy meals interspersed with deep bowls of Dot’s Pretzels which, if you don’t know about them, are insanely luscious, spicy pretzels dreamed up by a lady genius in Velva, North Dakota named Dorothy Dot Henke.
So despite eating pretty carefully, the infusion of Dot’s has given me at least the corona 10. I know this because I had to put a bra on the other day after months of going without. The layers called for in cold weather let me wander the house and the dog park unrestrained, much like my elderly high school French teacher whose devotion to undershirts or camisoles as we would say now fascinated all of us. You can tell I was marked by this, remembering it as I do fifty years later.
Anyway, back to the bra. It was as if a particularly cruel rider had jammed his spur-adorned boot into my side and pulled the saddle cinch so tight a new hole had to be bored. Well, not exactly like that but pretty close. So it occurred to me I have to make life changes. First off, I ordered a new bra after taking the extraordinary step of actually measuring myself. Data. The way things become clear.
And then I thought about some ways to up my walking from the current two laps around our favorite (and very big) dog park. One idea was to actually pedal the exercise bike I sit on when I go in my husband’s office to talk to him. Just an idea. And then after all this reflection, I had some Dot’s. Just a small bowl. I had to. I just got a delivery of three 2 lb bags which cost me something like $40, Dot’s being the hot commodity they are right now. So I have to eat the fuckers.
The cheeseburger was enormous and drippy and not nearly as good as I thought it would be. But it was more about pretending to be normal than it was about the burger. All you pandemic pals, you know what I mean.