Red's Wrap
Happiness. It's relative.
Category: Humor
Swirl’s Chewed Things: Haute Cuisine
Hello. I am Swirl. I ate the New York Times French onion soup recipe tonight. Not all of it. But enough. It has too much cheese. That’s why. The people put toppings on my dinner. My kibble is crummy. It’s for dogs with bad… Continue Reading “Swirl’s Chewed Things: Haute Cuisine”
Roller Derby
I went to Costco today for the first time. Everybody raves about Costco but I’ve resisted joining figuring I was done with the world of Big Food when my kids grew up and left home. I used to go to Sam’s Club and buy… Continue Reading “Roller Derby”
Swirl’s Chewed Things: Moola
Hello. I am Swirl. I have eaten a lot of money in my time. If I am careful, I can pull out the bills without eating all of the leather thing they are in. I eschew leather. It reminds me of animals. It is… Continue Reading “Swirl’s Chewed Things: Moola”
Swirl’s Chewed Things: Hospitality
Hello. I am Swirl. This mat came on our porch today out of nowhere. Nobody gave me a heads-up. Just all of a sudden it was there, all prickly. Stiff. Fifty stabs. Inedible. All I could do was kill it by making it into… Continue Reading “Swirl’s Chewed Things: Hospitality”
Other Things Can Fall in the Forest Besides Trees
I have doubts about my ability to pee in the forest. This from a person who was once able to carry a bag of groceries in one arm, a baby in the other, and squat down to pick up dropped house keys. Peeing in… Continue Reading “Other Things Can Fall in the Forest Besides Trees”
The History of Hair in Three Parts
I texted Branson to reschedule my appointment. There had been an ice storm which seemed a good enough reason to cancel, but the truth was I didn’t feel like getting my hair cut. It could wait a few days so I asked if he… Continue Reading “The History of Hair in Three Parts”
Tick Tock in the City
There was a tick on my neck and so, now, I can think of little else. Before I felt something on my neck and picked the tick off and looked at it wiggling its tiny legs in a desperate attempt to free itself and… Continue Reading “Tick Tock in the City”
Swirl’s Chewed Things: Assortment
Hello. I am Swirl. Yesterday, I chewed an oven mitt, a basting brush, and the attachment to the pet hair hand vac. They were all left in my area. I am not at fault. Random objects are disturbing. And it was very hot. I… Continue Reading “Swirl’s Chewed Things: Assortment”
Swirl’s Chewed Things: Sports Equipment
Hello. I am Swirl. The people complain about gas, which I have sometimes when I am sleeping. I don’t apologize for this. Or anything else. Tonight we went to a house with another dog. That made three of us. A young girl dog that… Continue Reading “Swirl’s Chewed Things: Sports Equipment”
Fashion Plate
I want people to regard me as a person of substance but it’s hard when I fall for ordering a dress for ‘older women’ advertised on Facebook. It finally got delivered today after weeks of anticipation. It came in a tiny lump in a… Continue Reading “Fashion Plate”
Listen to Jan read her essay “Billy” presented on WUWM’s Lake Effect
Jan’s essay “At the Breakfast Bar” on WUWM Lake Effect
Jan’s essay “The Parish Hall,” on WUWM Lake Effect
“Fury Cannot Touch Me,” Modern Love, NYT, 9/29/11
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