Tag: Humor

Roller Derby

I went to Costco today for the first time. Everybody raves about Costco but I’ve resisted joining figuring I was done with the world of Big Food when my kids grew up and left home. I used to go to Sam’s Club and buy… Continue Reading “Roller Derby”

Deflated

Here’s the question of the day. What is the deal with chewing gum and having gas? When did this start being a thing? I mean I’m so dainty and so not wanting to look like some 1930’s gum-smacking dame hanging on Jimmy Cagney’s arm… Continue Reading “Deflated”

Proper Anxiety Attire

My anxiety today is so huge and weighty and so very, very present that I’m thinking of giving it a birth name and its own gym membership. I’m not focusing on not having anxiety because that would mean getting more anxious trying to figure… Continue Reading “Proper Anxiety Attire”

99 New: Animal Planet

There were really only two options. Weird, because I have a lot of underwear, practical stuff, not fancy, I’m all about comfort. So there was the black cotton underwear which kind of choked off circulation to my legs the last time I tried them… Continue Reading “99 New: Animal Planet”

Dressed Down

I bought a dress online, a long black summer dress that I thought would make me look earthy and graceful. Dresses are foreign to me but I keep trying, like all the years I kept going back to Spanish classes thinking this next time… Continue Reading “Dressed Down”

New Girl Aboard

Two nights ago I had a dream about being on a ship that was sinking. I was in the ship’s movie theater, sitting in a velvet seat, watching I don’t remember what, and the ship’s sirens went off (I’ve never heard a ship’s sirens… Continue Reading “New Girl Aboard”

Mane Event

Somehow, during the commercial break, a good-sized chunk of mascara fell from the guest commentator’s eyelashes and landed on her upper cheek. It wasn’t enormous but it was noticeable, about the size of dwarf Tic-Tac. The interviewer pretended not to notice, looking straight into… Continue Reading “Mane Event”

Minnie and BowWow Discuss Ennui

BowWow: Tell the lady that I’m bored out of my fucking gourd. Minnie: You tell her. I’m busy. BowWow: Busy? You’re laying on the stairs like you’re tripped out on something – you know, like dog grass or LSDog. Get it? LSDog! I never… Continue Reading “Minnie and BowWow Discuss Ennui”

Squeaker

The mouse was in the garbage disposal. That’s right. There was a live mouse in our garbage disposal. I called my husband and then walked out the front door. “I’m leaving. Do you want a pair of gloves? You can’t turn it on. Oh… Continue Reading “Squeaker”

A-34

They were indignant at our mistake. We were sitting in the silver Toyota Camry they thought they had just rented from Hertz at the Phoenix airport. The husband held the paperwork in his hand like the deed to a castle that had been in… Continue Reading “A-34”

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